Meshing the old and the new

I find myself, after 13 months of being "mom", still trying to find ways to incorporate parts of the old me into my new life. I spend a lot of time trying to think of clever and funs ways to contribute to our finances, both for the obvious reason, and to feel productive. What this ends up meaning, so far, is thinking of something, spending a bunch of money getting ready to become productive, and more withdrawals than deposits in my bank account! Obviously whatever I do to earn money has to be something I can do in the far from consistent pockets of time I get from time to time. So it can't be anything that requires an immense amount of concentration, it must be something I can stop and start, and something with no deadline! (Got any ideas?) This week's idea (borrowed from my dear cousin, who has made a success of it) is to create original works of art out of polymer clay. This concepts fits all of the above criteria, and some of the work, the "coming up with ideas" part, can be done while child-raising. There are, of course, other "old me" concepts I occasionally try to incorporate, such as having friends and spending time with people. But the clay is more reliable.

Roar!

At the tender age of one year, my darling daughter has found her voice, and her opinion! Ok, she found her voice, and her opinion long ago, but now she has really discovered how to express one with the other. Lately, when she is feeling frustrated, she expresses this by making a breathy rooaarr or a hissssing sound. Sometimes I have to wonder where she gets her sounds or expressions. Has she heard me or her father "roaring" in frustration? Or is this some kind of inborn thing? She used to whimper, and rarely cry, when she was feeling frustrated. What caused that to change? Suddenly the program shifts at age one? I admit I have experienced some strange feelings when she utilizes her new repertoire of sounds. Is she angry at me? Does she hiss at other people? (she does) I guess it has been alarming to me, because until this point she has almost always been very easy-going, and easy to soothe. This really hasn't changed. I guess the sounds just represent something different to me. So I guess that is it, really. Her expression of frustration has simply changed along with her vocal abilities. I have allowed this change to mean something more than it likely does. My brother once suggested to me that one doesn't so much raise a child as the child raises the parent. Hm. It's hard growing up!

Sleep Walking

You can read everything there is in print about being a parent. You can prepare yourself the way you prepare for any test. And be completely unprepared. For anyone who's been there, this is not news. But after one year, two weeks and one day, why am I still getting up in the middle of the night? Oh right. Because I chose to co-sleep, which means that I am aware of every move, breath, sigh or escape attempt made by my child. This child, who is teething, and therefore uncomfortable on a good day, knows that all she has to do is say "Mama", and I will get up and play at just about an hour of the day. This is not a typical night these days, thank goodness. It is, in fact, rare. But it happens, and it throws me off for days. 'Course she's fine, and raring to go. And go. And go. Didn't I say I was never going to be one of those moms who uses the tv as a distraction for her child in order to have some time to herself? I LIED. When five minutes is a gift, an Oreo cookie spread all around dear daughter on the carpet in front of the stupid Wiggles is Just Wonderful. I really want to know how people decide to have more kids. Do they figure they will never escape this new role anyway, so they may as well go for more? My real question, though, is how do women, who choose the attachment parenting style of child rearing, recharge? Speaking of recharging, I think I will take advantage of the next 10 minutes, my self-time, to take a shower. Ah..