Rethink

Do you ever get sick of your own beliefs? I mean, do you ever drive yourself nuts just trying to follow your own ideas of who you are? I drive myself bananas sometimes. I find myself spending more water, time and mental effort trying to get the last dang bit of food off of a sticky, recyclable can just to do "the right thing" by getting it to the recycle bin. Throwing one out of 100 recyclable cans in the trash is NOT going to make a difference!! Earlier today my hubby said to me, "You need to give yourself a break!" "Crack!" I replied. He's right. I try so hard to do right by myself that I drive myself to distraction. The other day, I asked hubby to cut my hair. Other than loving that it felt so healthy and easy, I didn't give it much thought. Since then, two virtual strangers have commented that I "chopped my hair" - and when it wasn't followed by some kind of kind comment, I flew into a mental internal melt-down about how it must, therefore, look awful, and spun into a verbal tirade to hubby about how no one pays any attention to me unless I'm dying or do something drastic to my appearance that they don't approve of. A bit over the top? Uh...YEAH! Why do I do this to myself?? I really find that if I don't have something to worry about, I don't know what to think about. It's ridiculous. In October, I start worrying about Christmas shopping. Now, am I worrying? Or do I need something to ponder? If I need something to think about, should I find something more healthy to occupy my thoughts? Should I worry about this? Aghhhhhhhhhhhhh........... Stopstopstop!!

Upstairs Downstairs

My life is run by these little routines I have developed. The keep me sane. My day with dd starts upstairs. We wake up, I get up to use the bathroom, she insists on going with me despite her (often) need for more sleep, and we head downstairs. I start the coffee and get dd some orange juice. I nurse my coffee, she nurses me (yep, still going strong), and we both wake up very slowly. I will usually check my email during this time. Once we have woken up a little and dd has started to detach from me a little, we head back upstairs to get dressed. DD gets her vitamins and scar medication, Mama gets her contacts and hair scuncii. Then, you guessed it, we're back downstairs for breakfast. We eat, I clean up. Back we go, upstairs, for a diaper change and tooth brushing, then back downstairs to get ready for whatever activity we're headed for that morning. This routine basically continues throughout the day. I have recently realized how much I depend on these routines to keep my day moving and in order. As destroyed as the house may become (the more active we are outside of the house the less destroyed the house gets, which makes sense) I feel on top of things because of these little routines. Certain things are always in order. In order to keep us out and busy enough to keep us both happy, I have signed us up with parent/child programs that keep us busy four days a week! I find that if we head out to something stimulating in the morning, I can continue to feel postive and busy for the entire day. DD seems to enjoy this amount of stimulation as well. So I guess in addition to our upstairs/downstairs dance, we are also doing an out-of-the-house, inside-the-house dance, too. I also find that during my "free" time in the evening, when dh and dd play upstairs before bed time, I need that sort of structure as well. I am not good at just "relaxing." I always have to have some sort of project in the works. I otherwise don't know what to do with myself. I have just finished making some Christmas ornaments, and am looking for the project to replace that. I guess it's the way I flow best. They say that kids need a routine, and need to know what to expect. That definitely works for me, too.